Here's the actual report from the inspection:
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I kinda knew the emission stuff wouldn't pass, since I recently did the rear O2 sensors, and apparently haven't driven enough miles/hours to complete the internal readiness tests. The TPMS is dumb, because my winter wheels/tires don't have the sensors. There should be a way to turn that alarm off in the Tech2, yeah??? And I've had 6qts of fresh synthetic and a new filter waiting for the oil change for a while. I think they just looked at the oil change monitor percentage (that I never reset). It's only been 4500-5000 miles since the last change.
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I ordered two AC Delco balljoints from Scamazon (I know... I don't care) because they'll get here Saturday, so I have time to rent the tool and maybe buy a pickle fork.