So, the IAC valve was a slightly different length, never would have been noticable if not looking for it, but maybe 1/32nd longer.
Cleaned it put the old one back, and now it does not immediately quit when started which is a great thing.
However, the original problem still exists... just random roughness at idle, almost sound like a miss, very sporadic... doesnt seem to quit, but sort of sounds like it might. Doesn't instill a lot of confidence for not getting stranded in a snowstorm.
Not sure now... new throttle position sensor, disconnected battery for 30 mins, put the old IAC back in... throttle body is very clean... still doesn't idle quite right. (it also has brand new spark plugs and wires)