After putting in 10w-40 oil I towed my TT over the blue ridge and the truck did quite a bit better. The hot low idle was smoother and oil pressure was 25 rather than below 20. While cruising the oil pressure was around 45-48, while before it was 17-18 at idle and 40 while cruising.
While towing for about 2 hours, I came to a handful of stops, and the idle only stuttered once, and I experienced the unresponsive accelerator only once. That's much better than before I changed the oil, when the low OP and rough idle and no accelerator response happened at every stop. Going over the pass the trans temp got to 220 going up the steep pass, and the engine temp got to about 220 as well.
Driving back home I had more problems. Before hitting the pass the trans temp got up to 220 and engine temp was similar, I got a stabilitrak and traction control light and warning, the engine idle at a stop was really rough, low speed hard shifts in the trans, and also low power even when cruising down the road. I ran my new OBDII code reader and it showed the notorious p0011 (cam position issue), a p0174 (system too lean), B1516 (body control), C0561 (anti-lock brake). After limping along for maybe 15-20 min, the trans temp slowly increased to 230, and I hadn't even hit the pass yet. Then the stabilitrak and traction control sensor light and warnings just went away.
Curiously, right after the lights resolved and turned off, the trans temp cooled down to normal flat-land towing temp (200) within just a few moments. This suggests that there's a connection in trans temp with the codes I got, but I don't understand the connection. The engine power returned and I braved the steep climb up the blue ridge. It ran at about 4000 rpm in 2nd going about 40 mph up the steep pass. Trans temp got to 230 and engine around 225. Made it the rest of the way home just fine after that.
That night I installed my tru cool 40k cooler then took it out the next day back and forth over the same pass. The max trans temp over the pass going both ways was 180, with the engine temp just over 215. Towing on the flat land the trans temp was around 160. After driving for 3-4 hours with many stops, starts, on ramps and off ramps, the truck never towed better. Oil pressure stayed above 25 at idle, never a stutter in the engine idle, no lights, no loss of power, and everything just worked great. I didn't clear the codes bc I wanted to be sure my mechanic could take a look and see if something else shows up. Now, the trans temp when not towing won't go over 135, even when it's 85 degrees out. Before the cooler it ran around 160-170 when not towing.
Now my truck is in the shop again to see if there's anything else the codes suggest might need attention. I'll report when I get my truck back. I'm thinking maybe the p0011 code might need to have more cam position work done, including maybe the oil pickup o-ring. Looks like
@HD_LS was right about vvt issues. We'll see what the shop says. No tuners close by.
Thanks again for all your help. So, right now I'm in the higher viscosity oil camp, and the trans cooler camp. Haven't yet checked the fuel pressure issue, but with the trans cooler now that seems unnecessary. Luckily, my rig never completely stalled at idle, and hopefully we can prevent it!