Thank you for your kind words, Speck!
Unfortunately, no solution thus far.
I'm still driving it every day, although I've been more and more annoyed with this issue as a result.
I pulled the underhood UBEC, blew it out with compressed air, sprayed it thoroughly with contact cleaner and let it sit until it thoroughly dried. I inspected each and every connection, checked every fuse for continuity, and re-seated them for a second time just to be thorough.
I still see ~120 ohms at the DLC, although I've ruled out the rear terminating resistor already. I have yet to try a different ECM (next on my list), however I did replace the BCM with a programmed unit to no avail - I was able to return it, so that was fortunate.
I went against my better judgement and threw OEM power and ground wires back on for a day - apart from annoying me and eating up more time, that was also a bust.
The entire high-speed channel is out, so the termination is the most likely cause in my opinion... The only thing that truly ISN'T functioning is the ABS itself. That wouldn't explain the other modules presenting U codes, however... I wish that it were feasible to simply tear the ECM apart and replace the resistor, that appeals way more to me than throwing $3-400 darts at a board...