So I am making some assumptions:
1. You didn't cut the connector off that plugged into the connector that went to the diff sensor.
2. You spiced the black/white wire behind that old connector.
If you are saying that the light goes off when you plug in the sensor that would be an indicator that the feedback circuit wiring to the TCCM is ok.
If you have a meter or light and can monitor the voltage on the black/white wire it should change between 0 and 12 volts when the system is engaged/disengaged. If it doesn't, that would indicate the actuator is not sending it's feedback that it is engaged. If it does change voltage, that would indicate your splice is bad.
In reality though, using the prox sensor instead of the actuator output wouldn't be a bad thing. It was the actuator that was the weak link in that system.